Online trolls are the bane.of.my.existence. With empathy at the top of my Strengths Finder results, it was a rough adjustment when I started managing pages for clients.
Picture, if you will, a newlywed at dinner with her husband. The waitress fills their glasses, the couple raises a toast to a busy and successful week. They both smile. They’re tired and happy. It’s Friday evening. And then a phone dings. The woman picks up her iPhone, as prompt responses are important in her industry. She frowns. She types. She frowns.
Turns out, giving people the anonymity of a computer screen can make things ugly.
“I’ve seen the worst of humanity,” Cross-Industry Social Media Manager Linda Dianne says, quite relatably, describing the “harsh reality” of social media management for business.
Fortunately, trolls no longer have much control over my joy. Through trial, error and a little research, I’ve got some effective tools in my belt to deal with these negativity promoters.
If you’re in need of some troll management strategies, read on.
Before you respond online, it’s important to have an accurate narrative. Most difficult internet communication comes from unhappy or scared people who disconnect social media from the real world. Having this perspective makes it easier to calmly give them grace and respond appropriately. If you’re angry, back away for an hour, then re-address and choose your strategy.
Consider a “No Trolls” Policy, and Designate a Moderator
You wouldn’t leave your front door open, allowing a stranger to walk into your living room and berate your family. And you shouldn’t let a stranger hop on your social media pages and extensively berate your business. Set boundaries and clear expectations, and start with assigning a boundary enforcer.
Have a designated employee who fields comments, taking one of the effective actions listed below.
First, For the Love of All Things Holy, IGNORE Them When You Must
Seriously, there are times you can completely ignore people. It takes practice to gauge the ignorable jerks and the reasonable, respondable jerks. Don’t worry, you’ll get there.
If they are throwing around profanities, clearly under the influence, or relentlessly badgering you, just let it go. Let them type away, hide their comments, and move on with your life. (Click on the comment and select the “hide” button that pops up.) This will make their comments only visible to them, preventing them from attacking you for deleting comments, AND preventing any other trolls from joining their cause.
Second, If You Can’t Ignore Them, Address Any Lies
If said troll is posting something completely untrue, respond gently with facts. For example, if you’re running for a political office (making yourself a troll magnet), and someone comments, “All of her funding is from xyz corporation. Don’t believe the lies!” You can respond with a photo of an official document showing where your donations come from, including, “Oh, I’m sorry you received some false information. I’m actually funded by this, this and that. Thank you for the opportunity to clear this up.”
Responding with truth is a great way to disarm a troll.
Third, Be Shockingly Kind
This one is my favorite, and the most effective! Never repay meanness with meanness. If this person has come far enough to post something terrible on your page, they’re likely ready for a fight. Step back, take a breath, and type up something kind. This has been more than 95 percent effective in my experience! Trolls often deflate quickly.
“I’m sorry you had a bad experience. We’d love to make it up to you!” Or, if someone comments that another business is better, you can say something like, “So-and-so is awesome! There’s nothing wrong with a little competition. We hope you’ll give us a chance sometime soon!”
Fourth, Be Funny
This is my second favorite tactic. Just make sure you’re being kind, too, even if you throw in a little sass. Gifs are awesome, too. Throw out a “shocked looking” or “remorseful” gif, then use kind words. Tread lightly here, and be creative.
Fifth, Take the High Road
This applies to all of the above. Don’t stoop to their level. Make sure you can see the situation clearly and objectively, so you don’t wind up the butt of a joke in a BuzzFeed article.
Treat the troll how you want to be treated.
Finally, know when to ban a user. Sometimes it’s the best thing you can do for yourself, your business, and the entire internet. Just click and hold on that nasty, threatening or inappropriate comment, then click that beautiful red “ban user” button and do a happy dance.
Do you have any crazy troll stories? Any tips for handling them? We’d love to hear them on our Facebook page or the blog!
It is clear: as the school year comes to a close, Seniors are not only ordering their caps and gowns, spending final moments with friends and family, and studying for their last tests and exams; they are also turning in their uniforms and jerseys. Seniors who have spent four-plus years preparing for their selective sports, both in and out of season, have trained and made memories they simply cannot leave behind. Their contributions to their team, school, coaches, and community are notably representative of their dedication and passion for the love of their sport(s). Because of this, a diverse group of Chisholm High School seniors from various sports has chosen to comment on their final reflections of what they have learned by being a Chisholm Longhorn and athlete during their last four years.
Starting with a notable fall sports player, Baylor Ewbank spoke on how his involvement in CHS football has granted him a greater appreciation for service to others. “Being a part of Chisholm athletics and football has taught me how to be a better teammate, which results in being a better person in the community. As a team, we players participate in many events in the community locally that show we can directly impact others,” Ewbank said. As Baylor noted, knowing what Chisholm represents and stands for to others has allowed him to recognize the impact and importance of displaying good character due to his athletic involvement. Further speaking on his admiration for his sport, Ewbank spoke to what his true sentiment for the game of football is: “I love playing the game, but the bonds I have created with my teammates is the best part. Without sports, I would not have the relationship I have today with my friends.” Baylor’s loyalty to his growing friendships throughout his athletic involvement confirms that his sport was not simply derived from achieving personal statistics, but more importantly was rooted in his devotion to others.
Baylor Ewbank, Phot by Skye Weber
Lydia Peace, another fall sport participant, expressed the development of herself as an athlete by her participation in volleyball. “Over the last four years, it was, at times, difficult to realize I just needed to have confidence in what I was doing and have fun. However, eventually, this clicked with the help of my coaches and teammates. Because of this, I was able to feel better, mentally and physically, during a game and compete to my full potential,” Peace commented. The support of teammates, coaching, and community never ceases to fall short in aiding one to success according to Peace. Applying this premise towards how this fortitude by others in athletics is displayed, Peace referenced a memory: “During my sophomore year of volleyball, Mr. Dent, our high school principal, was our coach. We were at a tournament, and my teammates and I were exhausted. To cheer us up, Mr. Dent made funny nicknames that were unique to each person. It raised everyone’s spirit and gave us the motivation to finish and win the game. Mr. Dent always knew how to inspire and encourage everyone to try their best and have fun.” Lydia’s testimony towards her growth of personal progression due to her perspective of positivity received by her involvement in CHS athletics shows how her participation taught her lessons to carry on in her future endeavors.
Lydia Peace and her Parents.
Makinde Ogunsola belongs to not only one but two CHS sporting teams—the boy’s basketball team and track & field team. Directing his attention towards a specific coach who has aided him in his athletic relations, Makinde remarked: “My favorite coach is Coach Coleman due to his diligent work ethic and commitment to his students by helping us refine our skills. His keen intellect as well as his esteemed glare of experience has put me on the path to becoming a successful athlete over the last several years. Coach Coleman knew what I was good at and where I needed to improve; he instructed me with exercises to increase my ability to improve my times (running). He also made sure to surround me with people that would motivate me to work hard while still enjoying their company. Furthermore, Coach Coleman has helped me become a staunch and assiduous leader.” Makinde’s hypothesis of his coach affording him and his teammates with training and advice that aids them to not only becoming victorious athletes but better people speaks towards the culture of CHS that athletes want to remain true for returning and new athletes to come.
Finally, another multi-sport player on the softball, basketball, and golf teams, Regi Pasby, shed light on reasoning as to what her sports teams have required of her. “All four years of high school I have attended every summer pride, basketball camp, softball camp, etc. This has made a huge impact on my attitude in my sports. It has made me feel more confident and satisfied with my game(s) because I have dedicated myself to establishing consistency in all areas of my life and sports teams,” Pasby concluded. The aspect of persistency has been validated by Pasby as a representative of her distinguished sports teams. Alluding to her object of inspiration preceding and during her athletic career, Pasby employed the importance of a role model in her life: “My brother played sports for Chisholm his whole life; nonetheless, I grew up watching him. He was the person I looked up to when it came to sports because ever since I was younger I have wanted to be as good as him.” The competitive spirit of siblings in sports is true for Regi growing up, but it is also an aspect that relates to many others in the CHS athletic community as well. As Regi noted, cumulating in an environment like Chisholm that contains such an involved athletic reputation verifies the desire to preserve it by athletes hoping to contribute their talents towards its programs.
Despite the differing sports these athletes belong to, they all can agree on one aphorism; they all are one as Chisholm Longhorns. Although it can be an emotional goodbye when closing their high school athletic chapters at CHS, these athletes acknowledge the lessons, people, and memories that have bestowed upon them necessary attributes that will be beneficial outside of the CHS walls—regardless of their future with athletic affiliations. Additionally, as all CHS athletes say their final partings, they hope that their records and goals left are just as evident as their attitude and character were on the athletes succeeding them; this is what it means to be an athlete at CHS.
The league-leading Enid Outlaws (9-0) play the second-place Houston Push today (Sunday) at 4:00 p.m. at the Stride Bank Center. Last night the Outlaws broke the league record with their ninth straight win to start a season with a 156-106 win over the Midtown (Wichita) Prestige. In Saturday’s game, the Outlaws were led, as usual, by Chance Comanche with 26 points and 11 rebounds, Wayne Runnels with 28 points and Charlie “Buckets” Marquardt, who stayed on fire shooting 7-8 from 3 point range. The Outlaws have totally dominated their competition, especially at home, with only two games being within 10 points.
The Houston Push will provide a test today, as they are 7-1 on the year. They played in Waco, Texas last night (results unknown) and their only loss has come at the hands of the Enid Outlaws, who won 106-99 when they played April 18th here in Enid. The Push are led by SG Jordan Allen (#5) who is averaging 21.5 points per game and is 3rd in the league in 3 pointers made. The push are owned by NBA star Steve Francis and NBA player Moochie Norris is the Head Coach/GM.
The Outlaws players are the class of the league. Chance Comanche leads the league in rebounds (12.9 RPG) and is 2nd in the league in points (27.8 PPG) despite sitting out big chunks of games with large leads. Sharpshooter Charlie Marguardt is 2nd in the league in 3 pointers made. While the league does not keep leaders of 3 pt percentage, Marquardt is shooting well over 50% from 3 point range which has to be near the league lead for volume shooters. PG Omega Harris is 8th in the league in assists (6.1 APG), despite sharing PG duties with Lindy Waters III who averages 5.6 APG himself. Wayne Runnels is just out of the top 10 in scoring at 23.0 PPG and also averages 9.0 RPG.
Tickets for tonight’s game are available at the Stride Bank Center box office or online at www.stridebankcenter.com and start at $8 a piece.
Your hometown Enid Outlaws will be hosting the Midtown Prestige Saturday, May 8th at 6:00 PM a the Stride Bank Center. The Outlaws are an undefeated 8-0 and lead the Central Division by one game over the Houston Push. They have dominated most of their games, and have an average margin of victory of 37 points. Based upon the fantastic start, Coach Ed Corporal was honored as the league Co-Coach of the Month.
The Midtown Prestige are 0-8 including losing to the Outlaws 146-73 last week. Guard Chris Whitfield (#5) paces the Prestige with 18.6 points per game.
The Outlaws are led by Chance Comanche who is averaging 27.8 PPG and 12.9 RPG, even though he has sat out several 4th quarters after the Outlaws have built a big lead. These numbers place Comanche 2nd in the league in both points and rebounds. Charlie “Buckets” Marquardt is on fire from 3, shooting 52.2% from downtown, and raising his average to 19.6 PPG.
Tickets to Saturday’s game are available at the Stride Bank Center Box Office or at www.stridebankcenter.com and start at $8.
Mother’s day is a little bittersweet for me. I did not know my mother until I was 17 years old, and even though I did get the chance to get to know her a little before she died a few years later, it was more of a friendship than a mother/son bond. I did, however, get to see a lot of great mothers in action. My sister-in-law Cindy, was the closest thing I had to a real mother, and even though she didn’t plan on being a mother to a smart-mouthed little kid after a few weeks of being married, she did a great job of it for several years. While at the Baptist Children’s home, my house mother, Mrs. Lauffer, was also a great mother figure to dozens of kids over the years, including me. So while some of us didn’t have a “traditional” mother, we did have women who were just as special in our lives, so Happy Mother’s day to ALL the mothers out there (and especially to my daughter’s mother, who I could not be raising a very special girl without).
Hey, y’all!! It’s Sophia and Mallie writing the May column for Tween Scene in Enid Monthly. We hope everyone is enjoying the beautiful weather and the colorful plants, flowers, and trees gaining back their color and finally BLOOMING!!! This month we are going to write about Mother’s day and a little bit about our mothers. Sophia is going to go first, so let’s get to it!
Sophia and her Mom, Samana
My Mother’s Day experiences every year are usually pretty fun. We typically buy my mom flowers, a card, Queen Anne chocolate-covered cherries, and sometimes a few gifts. I specialize in the gift part because I know my mom’s favorite things better than anyone else :). My favorite memory with my mom would have to be when we take my little sister to her dad’s or tennis tournaments and on the way back we jam out to music and sing and dance the whole way back. We also love to go clothes shopping together when it’s just me and her. Some funny memories I can remember are when I tried to teach her how to ride a hoverboard and it started spinning really fast and threw her off and she fell. I could not stop laughing! One weird thing we do together is driving around town and admiring and critiquing houses and architecture. I think my mom is the best because she’s just like me. She’s funny, easy to roast, gives me good life advice, still tucks me in, brings me delicious fresh lunch to school even though she doesn’t want to, and even when she’s exhausted she still gives me her undivided attention when I’m talking a little too much and she lets me be who I am 24/7. Passing it on to you Mallie!
For Mother’s Day, we used to go out to get my mom a present, lilacs, and her favorite chocolate Reese’s peanut butter cups and red hots. My favorite memories with my mom would have to be all of the crazy and fun vacations we took. My funniest story is one time I was in my front and just got back from gymnastics and I was showing her my front walkover and I told her to do it and she did and while she was landing she fell really hard. I could not stop laughing! Another one is the funny car rides we would take with my mom and dad where they would argue literally about EVERYTHING like her driving or the air conditioning, it didn’t matter. One thing that we did that would drive me crazy was how much we went shopping. Some unique/weird things we did together is who could run the most miles whenever we worked out, and made lots of homemade Frappuccinos. I think my mom is the best because she would let me have friends over all the time, pushed me to reach my goals, always made jokes with me about everything, always jammed out to my favorite songs in the car and she loved me very much.
Thanks for listening to our article about Mother’s Day and our moms. We would love to hear about your Mother’s Day and about your mothers too! Email us at tweensceneenid@gmail.com! Also email us if you have any questions, comments, concerns, or ideas for upcoming article! Have a great May, spring and Mother’s Day!! Bye Y’ALLLLL!!!
Hungry for some of Mama’s cooking? Mother’s Day evokes such a flood of memories: Special times with our mothers, their unforgettable sayings and remarks, and of course their cooking. My own mother’s fried chicken celebrated again and again with the publication of “Miss Bonnie’s Fried Chicken” and her unique chicken fried biscuits in “Stir-Ups” followed by a center spread in “Ladies Home Journal.”
My husband’s mother also added to our family cadre of favorite recipes with her very particular version of “pimenna” cheese and homemade banana pudding. Both of these special women leave a legacy of food traditions we celebrate when we crave the comfort of their cooking years after their passing. They both used the “Woman’s Home Companion Cookbook” and Helen Corbit’s recipes for cooking up memorable meals.
Both women had an enormous influence on my cooking to this day. My organic gardening mother with her belief in fresh home-grown ingredients including the gifts of eggs and meats from the animals on our farm. The fruits of our labor included plenty of fresh vegetables and fruits from our small orchard and the quarter of an acre of strawberries and boysenberries I complained about having to pick at the time! (That was mostly because of the giant hornets who nested in numerous holes they made in the rich soil of that amazing berry patch.) “Old Bess” our Jersey milk cow supplied enough cream to top the berries and supply my father’s co-workers with garden goodies plus berries and whipping cream throughout the growing season. I’m sure it is a major reason I love farmer’s markets so much to this day.
One of my first projects in 4-H Club was poultry. Farm fresh eggs and whole milk are surely a special secret ingredient in most cooking especially custards and puddings. They are even more appreciated now as we live in such a pudding in a box kind of world. Speaking of pudding, my mother-in-law’s Banana Pudding was an important recipe to master when my husband and I married. It did not come from a box and had some specific ingredient and technique requirements she insisted must be done with exact precision. What wife doesn’t want to impress the Mother-in-Law and please their husband so I gave it the old college and 4-H Alumni try!
You will find Miss Bonnie’s Fried Chicken with her Chicken Fried Biscuits in Enid’s Junior Welfare League publication of “Stir-Ups”. Mim’s Banana Pudding Recipe with a few of her SPECIFIC instructions is not as intimidating as it may appear. Enjoying Miss Bonnie’s Fried Chicken or homemade Banana Pudding are wonderful ways for our family to travel down food memory lane as we celebrate Mother’s Day. Do write down your family favorites as these recipes are treasures you will continue to enjoy long after our Moms aren’t here to celebrate with us. Have a memorable Mother’s Day!
Mim’s Banana Pudding Recipe
This recipe starts with a basic vanilla pudding recipe using more flour and sugar than I like to use today as the bananas are quite sweet as are the vanilla wafers. Stir in the sliced bananas just before serving so that they stay fresh.
3 Cups Whole Milk 1/2 Cup Flour 3/4 Cup Sugar 4 egg yolks, beaten (save whites for meringue if you like) 1 teaspoon real vanilla (or 2 Tablespoons Dark Rum) 2 or 3 sliced bananas (fresh Mother-In-Law bananas that are PERFECTLY firm and just ripened no dots or blemishes)
Vanilla wafers as you wish (I like the minis for banana pudding)
Stir flour and sugar together MIXING WELL. Combine with milk in a medium-sized sauce pan using a whisk until dissolved. Heat the mixture over low medium heat STIRRING CONSTANTLY with a rubber spatula to keep mixture from sticking to the bottom.
Mixture will thicken as it heats up so KEEP STIRRING to avoid lumps. Once mixture begins to boil cook for an additional 2 to 3 minutes. Beat egg yolks and whisk in 1/2 cup of the pudding mixture so that the yolks are quickly blended to keep the pudding smooth. (This process is called tempering the yolks.) Then add the yolk mixture back into the pan and blend well. STIRRING CONSTANTLY, bring the mixture to a boil again and cook for an additional 2 to 3 minutes.
Remove from heat and transfer to a mixing bowl. Stir in Vanilla Wafers and Chill well before adding sliced bananas at serving time. Top with whipped cream.
COOKING NOTE: We have a family saying that only Mother-In- Law Bananas are preferable as my husband’s mother was most particular. I use the dark and blemished bananas with their high potassium content peelings as compost or rose food.
Melanie Hutchinson, DO, a physician at St. Mary’s Family Medicine North, discusses how women can stay on top of their health.
Q. Why is it important for women to make their health a priority?
A. In primary care, one of the main goals is to modify risk factors and prevent disease. Whether it is caring for an elderly loved one, chasing kids from one activity to another, working a full-time job or any combination of these, it is easy to get caught up in the business of life. I would much rather be proactive than reactive.
Q. What check-ups are important for women?
A. It is important to distinguish between well and sick visits. When one of my patients is ill or develops a new problem, I want to see her for her acute issue. However, I also want to see her when she is feeling well to get a complete picture of her health. Once a problem is recognized, some women need to be seen every three to six months for monitoring.
Women without chronic illness should be seen at least once a year. A “well-woman” exam includes age-appropriate breast and cervical cancer screening, and discussions about abnormal periods, menopause signs and symptoms, family planning and sexual health.
Q. What are healthy diet tips for women as they age?
A. Diets should be varied and include fruits, vegetables, dairy and protein. I favor moderation: Cut out most unhealthy eating but keep a favorite as a treat; have an occasional cheat day and eat smaller portions. Avoiding sugar-sweetened drinks like soda and sweet tea helps prevent weight gain. The USDA website “MyPlate” at choosemyplate.gov is a great resource with recipes for balanced meals and a diet-tracking program.
Q. How much should women exercise to control weight?
A. Regular exercise helps maintain weight and decreases the risk of cardiovascular disease and diabetes. If a woman wants to lose weight, she needs to burn more calories than she consumes. This entails 60 to 90 minutes of moderate-intensity exercise most days. However, any amount of physical activity has health benefits at all ages, and in elderly women, decreases the risk of falls.
Q. How can women manage stress?
A. Eating healthy, exercising and adequate sleep helps make us resilient. During stressful times, I encourage women to lean on their support systems and take time for self-care. They may find comfort in a religious leader or joining a support group. Counseling is another option to address specific topics and gain coping mechanisms to help handle future situations.
This is the time of year we honor our mothers, the ones that gave us life, and those that make life possible either biologically or through adoption. Adoption is perhaps publicly one of the most under-celebrated yet most admirable avenues of parenting. We were recently entrusted with the stories of three remarkable women and how adoption forever changed their lives.
Strength and Sacrifice
Karen Staples was born to a strong loving mother that married her biological father quite young. The navy took the small family to Guam and Hawaii to live while her father fulfilled his service. It was after they returned to Northwest Oklahoma the couple realized they had simply grown up a bit and drifted apart and decided to get a divorce when Karen was three years old.
Karen lived with her mother, who took a job at Walker Electric, a business that was upstairs from a dance studio. It was at the dance studio Karen’s mother met the man she would marry when Karen was between four and five years old. She was the flower girl in the wedding, something people are more accustomed to seeing in today’s times; however, it was unique at the time. Karen was welcomed into the man’s extended family with open arms. It was soon after the wedding that her new stepdad decided he wanted to adopt Karen and solidify their family unit legally.
Karen’s mom contacted her biological father and he, having relocated out of state and beginning to start a new life of his own, agreed to allow the adoption. The only stipulation was that out of respect for the new family Karen’s biological father would not contact her until she was at least eighteen years old. He agreed and from that moment on, Karen’s stepdad became her daddy, the man would raise her as his own.
When sitting down to talk about her story, Karen said it was “hard to do a story on adoption because I do not see myself as adopted”. With her newly extended family as well as the family on her mother’s side, she was raised in a very loving and supportive environment and was never treated differently by her daddy’s parents or extended family. She has many fond memories of spending time on her grandparent’s farm near Lahoma.
When Karen turned eighteen, she made an important life decision to follow her heart and turn down a full-ride college scholarship to get married and start a family of her own.
It was after she had her first child that her mother’s sister would receive a phone call from her biological father. He wanted to test the waters to see if the sister would reach out to both Karen and her mother for the possibility to meet her. They agreed and a meeting was set. He had honored the agreement he made with her mom and daddy over the years; however, she soon found out he had a sister that lived in the Enid area that had kept up with her school activities and achievements to share so that he could keep up with her from a distance to know she was doing.
While getting to know him she realized they had many similarities, they both outgoing personalities and liked the same type of music to name a few. She was very candid with her father and was willing to maintain a relationship if it did not affect her mother and daddy.
They came to an understanding as she made it clear that she would always respect him as her father but that he would never be her “daddy”. That title was reserved for the one man that stepped in and stayed by her side. She knows the saying “Anyone can be a father, but it takes someone special to be a dad” very well, having lived it.
Throughout her life, Karen and her mother remained close. She remembers never hearing her mother say a disrespectful word about her father, remaining strong and supportive. Her mother never pushed information on her but always provided answers when she was curious and would ask questions about her past. Her mother was a kind, strong woman whose genuine personality was displayed through a letter written to her first husband’s widow upon his death. The letter included how thankful she was to be able to attend his service and that “You and he were together 40 years and me and him, not four. I know you made him happy, something I could not do, but he gave me a beautiful daughter and I am thankful he knew her and her family.”
Prayer and Perseverance
Leslie Klamm has a long history of involvement with the foster care and adoption system. She currently does contract work, home studies, preparation, post-placement and worked for the Department of Human Services out of college in child welfare which often entailed removing children from homes as necessary and placing them with foster families. She worked for DHS for nine years before leaving to pursue an opportunity to work for the church and for her and her husband to become foster parents. Over the next eleven years, they fostered thirty-two kids, focusing on sibling groups. Five of those years they ran the Holsinger Home for Children as appointed missionaries of the United Methodist Church. They fostered twenty-eight kids throughout the time they ran Holsinger Home. Twenty-one of those were in sibling groups.
At one point they fostered six children at the same time in addition to their two children and became pregnant with another child of their own. The group was quite a sight as they shopped, dined, and were out and about as a family. All eight children were at the hospital when it was time to greet the new baby girl. The doctor cautioned it was during prime RSV season and the risk of infection was high, however, the family made it through with health intact and no major issues.
They all loved their new baby sister and loved doing things for her. With that many children in the house, the baby girl rarely had to do anything for herself. As she grew into her toddler years, they had to coach the children to make sure and let her walk do more things for herself.
When Leslie and her husband left Holsinger Home to pursue other opportunities, they continued to foster for a few more years, however just one child at a time. It was when one of their former foster kids had a third failed adoption and at the age of twelve that their adoption journey began. He had always gotten along with their kids and fit in well with them, so it was a natural fit. However, it did not come without challenges. Leslie said, “If I didn’t believe in adoption, I would not work in it still. I have to share my story to help people realize that while there is something of a past, we have gone through the years with him and have had to meet him where he was at mentally and emotionally”.
When they met their son for the first time, he was almost eight years old. He was the seventh of nine children and came from a bad situation along with a younger brother and sister. The brother and sister were able to maintain with some family that adopted them. However, it was one of his failed placements. Two were family and one was friends that thought they could meet his needs and did not end up being a positive placement. The bigger issue with him resulted from seven years of being raised in an environment of chaos, substance and other forms of abuse, and mental illness that created “demons”. When he turned seventeen, he started struggling with mental issues. Leslie shared “the downfall of adoption is you can not always control it, that is also the reality of biological children”.
Despite his battle internally, he was able to complete the requirements reaching the prestigious rank of Eagle Scout through the Boy Scouts of America. An accomplishment he is still very proud of today.
Unfortunately, the success in the moment was somewhat short-lived as two weeks later he decided the household had too many rules and he was gone. They have continued to keep in touch over the years although he now lives out of state. He is self-sufficient, working to support himself and through many challenges, they have been able to keep in touch. Leslie and her husband never gave up on him. Their relationship developed into “meeting him where he is” which has very different parameters than their biological children.
Today, the Klamm’s are still the ones he will call when he gets a new job or has done something well. He will also call them when he is struggling, He has learned what they will do for him and what they will not. It is different, but Lelie still considers raising him a success because he can hold down a job and support himself. Their relationship is often based on what he has needs from them and they find a way to meet those needs if they are able. It is not your traditional mom and dad role, however, it works for them. This is the result of his inability to attach. He is his own worst enemy when it comes to relationships. Leslie says that generally if you can get a child placed in a permanent home by the time they are three or four, they are more likely to bond more successfully.
As far as how having an adopted older brother has affected their biological children, both girls in the family want to foster and adopt. She says they have seen the good and the bad and still plan to do so. Her youngest son has written a paper on the positive effects of being a foster and is well on his way to being a pediatrician but says he will more than likely enjoy nieces and nephews and has no plans currently to have children of his own.
Leslie and her family keep up with over half of the other kids they fostered mainly through social media. A lot of them have thanked them for providing support and life lessons as they grew up. They learned things as simple as basic grooming to life skills such as doing chores and laundry. Every one of them grew up helping around the house and pitching in.
When asked how people who may not be able to foster but would like to support families that do, she suggested contacting the Garfield County Child Advocacy Center here in Enid. They collect monetary donations as well as items such as cribs, beds, car seats, and necessities that could be donated to help ease the financial burden and sometimes short notice in a foster situation. The center takes donations on-site or they can pick up items as well. It is a great resource for our community. Another resource for the community is The Foster Closet. An organization run by Wendy Beckner that provides clothing and beds for kids. They take clothing ranging from infant to adult sizes as well as donations of cribs, toddler, and twin-size beds. The best number to call to find out more about donating is (580)747-5515. Leslie shared one of her favorite sayings: “When you have more than you need, build a longer table, not a higher fence”.
Faith Over Fear
Sarah Herrian always knew in her heart she wanted to adopt a family. She was surrounded by blended families and people of all races and walks of life through her church as she grew up. Her husband Jeremiah did not take much convincing and was on board for exploring the adoption path.
When they decided it was time to pursue growing their family, they began their journey into adoption. At the time, events called “adoption parties” were held. Of course, as with many events, the recent pandemic has since put an end to the events geared to give both children and prospective parents together in a large group atmosphere so that they might meet and socialize with hopes to find a match. Sarah still has mixed feelings about the events, describing the events as a bit weird and strange. It was not just about finding children you were interested in adopting, the children had to choose the parents as well. Just as they were beginning to feel defeated as they were attending their third or fourth adoption event, they met the two sisters who would ultimately choose them to be their parents and they began the journey to adoption. Once the decision to adopt was made, there were still many challenges involving court officials, paperwork, and legal processes which could be overwhelming for those going through the process for the first time. They were able to make it through, confident in the fact that this was the path that God had chosen to grow their family. Once they adopted, Sarah was more open to fostering and began to understand how great the need was. They jumped right in and had ten or eleven children through their home that were either unified with their biological families or extended families until the latest set of three siblings entered their lives. After fostering for around two years, they were able to adopt two of the three and are currently in the process of adopting the third making them a family of five.
Sarah gets emotional talking about the need of so many sibling groups throughout Oklahoma that are currently up for adoption. She knows it is a hard ask for parents to take on one child let alone two or more to keep them together. Many siblings unfortunately are split up after already being ripped from their homes and all they have ever known. “Not everyone has that much extra room in their homes or cars although they may have the room in their hearts,” she said when asked if finances may also play a part in not being able to take on more than one child. She expressed there are many ways families can get financial assistance to adopt. She said, “money should never, ever, ever be the reason you why somebody is not able to adopt” and that if anyone feels like that is the only thing holding people back, she will share the ways.
She knows the ways well and has information to share because not only because of her journey to adopting children of her own. She also currently serves as the Executive Director of the Foster Care and Adoptive Association of Oklahoma. The website for the organization serves as a great resource and place to start for anyone interested in finding out more information and can be found online at fcao.org. She also shared information for people that while fostering a child or adoption is not a possibility for themselves, they would happily provide support to those that are. She said if you know people that are fostering children some ideas on how to help include preparing meals once in a while, offering restaurant or grocery gift cards, providing babysitting, or offering to help with rides to and from school or activities. There is also a way to donate items through the local link for careportal.org which is a site that lists items that range from clothing to furniture for various families in need.
Sarah says she is not sure where their adoption journey will take them from here and knows there are so many children still out there that need permanent homes. She expressed how important it was for people to love without boundaries and that yes, the process may be hard on adults as it is easy to get attached. Her prayer is that even if people might get attached, she prays that people would foster and love the child unconditionally for as long as they are in their care. Even if it is just a few months, a few weeks, or a few years, that kind of love lasts a lifetime, they never forget that. It is vital for them to feel the love to be able to feel the attachment and bond in their other relationships. She knows firsthand the heartache that takes place when separated from a child or children that you have opened your home to. “Yes, it is a grieving process,” she said, “it hurts, and you might be in bed for a few days, but we are adults, and we will get over it.” Nothing compares to the amount of love that child was able to feel, and they will carry that with them the rest of their lives.”
Not flesh of my flesh Nor bone of my bone, But still miraculously my own Never forget for a single minute, You didn’t grow under my heart But in it.
